DYL | Designing a Life Beyond Judgment

About this event

In this month's Design Your Life meetup, we will explore the difference between a language of judgment and a language of life, and what it really means to design our relationships around needs rather than around verdicts. Using Marshall Rosenberg's work on Nonviolent Communication, we will examine the four components he offers: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. We will contrast them with the habits most of us were actually trained in, such as deciding who is right or wrong, who deserves reward, and who deserves punishment. Rosenberg argues that even when criticism, guilt, or reward gets us what we asked for, the cost is high, because what we receive is compliance rather than a genuine wish to contribute. He is equally wary of the language that denies choice, phrases like "I have to," "I had no choice," and "it's policy," and he insists we are choosing, every moment. We will pair this with Carl Rogers on empathy: entering another person's world, sensing the felt meaning underneath their words, checking whether we have it right, and laying aside our own views long enough to be a companion there. The questions become practical. Are we asking what's alive in us and what would make life more wonderful, or are we assembling a case? Which situations pull us fastest into blame, demand, or "I have no choice"? What would change if the people around us knew we never wanted anything done out of guilt or fear? Reading or watching the materials is helpful, but not required to join. Sources: 1. Marshall Rosenberg, Introduction to Nonviolent Communication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4dK7bAVLxY 2. Carl Rogers on Empathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4G0a6FrygA 3. Center for Nonviolent Communication title https://www.cnvc.org/